Taming the Queen of Beasts

Reth sucked in a deep breath. "That was… that was in anger. I gave in to frustration. I never meant it—and you know that.."

"You think just because you\'re mad, people don\'t hear you, Reth? You think it doesn\'t land when you snarl something at someone? You?! Guess what? You\'re wrong! Fucking Reth Orstas Hryhryn, mister fucking perfect got it wrong. Do you hear me? You were wrong then, and you\'re wrong now!"

"Aaryn, what are you talking about?" Elia said, her voice high and breaking with her tears. "Reth isn\'t angry at you or your mother…"

Aaryn stared at Reth. "No, he\'s not," he said through clenched teeth. "Sometimes you don\'t have to be angry to do the wrong thing. Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself more than anyone else. Or your daughter."

Elia\'s face crumpled in confusion. "What—?"

"Leave it, Elia, I\'ll explain later."

"Will you, Reth?" Aaryn wouldn\'t drop Reth\'s gaze, didn\'t stop himself challenging. Let the lion fucking king come for him. He\'d fight for himself, and his mother, and Gar, and… and everyone else in Anima who\'d ever felt less because of Reth.

"Yes," he said. "I will. Because I did learn. And whether you want to hear it right now or not, you need to know two other things that are true. The first is that I always gave your mother the respect she deserved because of her role in your life—even when she was letting you down. I never undermined her, Aaryn, and trust me, I could have."

Aaryn scoffed, and Reth\'s eyes flashed a warning at him again. But he wasn\'t finished.

"And the other thing is that I know you\'ve had a shock, and it sounds like you\'ve got a tough road to walk from here. So you need to know, even after this, I\'m here for you, Son, okay? When you calm down, if you need me, I\'m here. Willingly. And Elia too. We never wanted to replace your Mom, but we are family to you. And that isn\'t going to change. So whatever you need, you just tell us."

Aaryn tried to scoff again, but it caught in his throat on a sob. Elia\'s arms tightened around him and she buried her face in his chest. "Oh, Aaryn, I\'m so sorry. Maybe… Maybe she\'ll come back. Maybe—"

He suddenly couldn\'t stand to be touched. Her arms around him felt like a brand on his skin. But he also knew he couldn\'t be rough on her. So he sucked in and arched away from her, peeling her arms out from around his back and giving them back to her as he stepped back. "I have to go," he said, his voice cracked and broken.

Elia stared at him with her eyes full of tears, but she nodded. "Anything you need, okay, Aaryn? Anything."

He nodded to Elia, but his eyes were back on Reth whose anger had passed. He looked at Aaryn with sadness now, his face haggard and more lined than it used to be. The urge to apologize rose in Aaryn\'s throat, but he bit it back and shook his head. "You can\'t tell people they aren\'t needed, Reth," he said hoarsely. "Even just a little bit. Even if it\'s true. Because they hear it in their soul."

Reth\'s face pinched in grief and Aaryn turned on his heel to come face-to-face with Tarkyn, who looked embarrassed and like he wished he hadn\'t been there to witness this. He stepped aside to let Aaryn pass. But Aaryn stopped and turned back to face the people he loved most in the world after Elreth and his mother and he did what he knew Reth would have done—even though it rankled.

"Elia, this wasn\'t for you. I\'m not angry with you. I appreciate all the ways you\'ve helped me and loved me. So… just don\'t hear any of this for you, okay?"

"Of course not," she whispered. "Please, let us help you if—"

"Not… not right now, okay?" he said, turning back for the door. "Maybe later, but not right now."

He hated the noise she made then, but he couldn\'t do anything about it, he had to get back to his mother, to try to convince her to stay. For him. Again.

Vaguely, behind him, as he stalked out the door and left it open for Tarkyn, he heard Elia whisper, "Get Elreth. Now."

His heart surged at the idea of his mate, but he clamped down on it. She had her own shit to shovel today. She didn\'t need him whining and crying about his fucked up life. She needed to be Queen and… he would deal with this. He would handle it. And then he\'d deal with the disformed, too. Because he could. He was strong enough to do that. All of it.

Then he was out the door and running, as fast as he could. And he didn\'t take the trail because he didn\'t want Tarkyn on his heels. He wanted to be alone. And he could probably get back to the house faster by making a straight shot of it, anyway.

He needed to pump his arms and legs, faster and faster. He needed to leap fallen trees and let his throat burn with the force of his breath.

So he ignored it when Tarkyn called after him and dove into the trees, crossing the WildWood, back to his mother, who was still at home. Still a beast. Still… here. Still alive, he reminded himself.

Going silent wasn\'t like dying. Not entirely.

He shook his head. He wasn\'t going to let her do that. She\'d hit a crisis, that was all. She didn\'t realize how much he needed her still. As soon as she understood, she\'d come back. She hadn\'t even been the beast for more than a couple days. It wasn\'t too late.

He kept reminding himself of that all the way through the wood, and onto the trail to the house, and when he stepped through the door to find Eadhye and Rhodha still sitting on the couch, turned uneasily to keep one eye on his mother, who\'d laid down at the base of the stairs.

Still in her beast.

Aaryn sucked in a breath. He just needed to get through to her. That was all.

***** 

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